Tuesday, June 1, 2010


I suppose today has just been one of those days. The kind where you sit on your computer - more importantly on facebook- and sift through all the old pictures of yourself and your friends. The reminiscing is bittersweet really. Sweet for remembering all the good times, bitter for realizing they've been and gone. No going back, no do-overs. Not to say that I have regrets, but with some pictures I find that my heart just does a highdive straight into the pit of my stomach, landing like a brick. Those little moments caught on camera bring back a world of memories.

Hum. I suppose I don't know where exactly I was going with this, but it was nice to kind of put that thought out there. It's time to get out of the house and away from the computer I'd say!

Monday, May 24, 2010


So I guess I should never have hid something like this in the first place from a best friend, but it was a two part deal - he never should have lied either. So because I was the one to tell her, I get the heat; because I chose to be honest with a friend I care more about then a stupid boy- I lose both the boy and the friend.
I love how he lied too but she goes to him for comfort. What would have happened if he told her first? Would it end up the same way because I'm the best friend and should know better, or would I have been the one she came to. Is she just blinded by whatever it is she feels for this guy? And I especially love how I get shit from him too because he's pissed at me for telling her... Like, hello! YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG TOO. I just decided to grow the balls you don't have and be honest with myself and with my best friend. Asshole. What did I ever see in you?
I just need to know if I did the right thing in telling her the truth. Even if I did confess under an alcoholic influence, it's still a sober thought. "A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts", right? If him and I had continued to keep this secret what would have happened down the road if/when she found out from someone else? Will she ever forgive me?

Friday, May 14, 2010

Bucket List

SO today I decided to create an official list of things I want to do before I die. When I first started jotting things down I quickly started realizing that its the little things that count.

Here's the first random thoughts of my own personal Bucket List

  1. Be in two places at once
  2. Inspire someone
  3. Learn first hand what it means to "lay down my life" for someone
  4. Watch sea turtles hatch and help them to the ocean :)
  5. Live to see a cure for Cancer
  6. Survive the wilderness and live off the land :)
  7. Drive 200km/h in a convertible
  8. Eat a New York hot dog in New York.
  9. Go dog sledding!
  10. Drive a Honda Del Sol
  11. Adopt a child
  12. Create and paint my own mural that everyone can see
  13. Roll around in fresh green grass in Ireland
  14. Go to an Irish Pub
  15. Live in England
  16. Save a life
  17. Skinny Dip
  18. Write a song and have it on the radio
  19. Meet someone famous
  20. Be kissed in the rain
  21. Skydive
  22. Ride in a dune buggy
  23. Marry the man of my dreams
  24. Be on TV
  25. Create a youtube video and gather more then 10,000 views
  26. See my children grow up
  27. Ride on the back of an Elephant
  28. Go up in a hot air balloon
  29. Learn the classic ballroom dances
  30. Camp on a beach and fall asleep to the sound of the ocean
  31. Travel the world
  32. Be successful in a job that I'll love
  33. Represent Canada in some way internationally
  34. Bring myself down to a size 10
  35. Jump in a fountain in a European city.
  36. Run a marathon :)
  37. Start a journal for the beginning of College
  38. Get a tattoo
  39. Ride a motorcycle and get my license.
  40. Win an award
  41. Be invited to a celebrity party aka party like a rock star ;)
  42. Learn to surf
  43. Spend a day in silence
  44. Perhaps become a groupie?
  45. Pay off any debts my family has
  46. Smash a guitar
  47. ...smash a computer!
  48. Design and build my own house
  49. Volunteer at a charity for children
  50. Beat up a car
  51. Offer to pay for a strangers bill
  52. Throw some kind of beverage at a date in anger- like they do in the movies ( haha)
  53. Dump and or pour something on someones head.
  54. Make a scene in a public place and get applauded for it.

I'll definitely be adding more later. But this is what i have so far. Enjoy!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I saw a fly the other day...

So after signing up for this thing months ago, I figure I should actually write a real post. I warn you I have far too many thoughts bouncing in and around my head- therefore presenting the fact that this has a high probability of making zero sense whatsoever.

Ready for the ramblings to begin? I know I am!

SO. The main thing that seems to be on my mind as of right now is my future. It's the littlest decisions that I make now that can make the biggest impact- which to me, seems like way too much pressure. I'm just about to turn 19 - the middle age. It's that year where nothing exciting seems to happen. In between the exiting '18' and the official 'out-of-your-teens 20's'. To me it seems like it's that age where, really, all the major decisions come into play. This is where the rest of your life starts. This is where you find that your life is totally beginning to change - at least for me anyway. As of right now, I'm worried about holding on to two minimum wage jobs, while figuring out school in the fall, and trying to keep a close eye on the people I care most about.

This past semester I took a couple courses at Lethbridge College hoping I would get an idea of what I wanted to do in the fall. Well. Im still pooched. My whole perfectly sculpted idea at the beginning was to throw myself into the Interior Design program, but now, after thinking it over especially with funded money on the line, I'm not sure if I want to put myself through it. Yes, I definitely want to go to school in the fall for some kind of art and design...but perhaps not Interior? Multimedia is way too broad for me, and fashion just isn't really my forte. So what's left? It seems as tho the option of Interior Design is just becoming a "hey, may as well.." kind of idea. This past semester I took Business Writing and Basic Design. Both courses were great and definitely gave me a little insight into the college lifestyle. The design course that I took touched on all aspects of design and I got to do what I do best - draw. I really want to add drawing and painting and things like that into my career. Any suggestions? I've got less then a summer to decide the rest of my life...greeaaaat.

Looking at a few old friends and people I went to school with makes me almost jealous. I'm not even sure if 'jealous' is the word to use. Some are engaged, some have been married almost a year, others pregnant and then some who have new-borns in their arms. We're all so young, it seems these friends are getting a head start on their lives and look so completely happy. Am I falling behind? Is this something I've been missing to make me happy? I feel as tho I'm just in a shlump. Just working and planning school has become the dullest of routines. I admit, I have often found myself looking at wedding dresses, finding colors I like and pondering locations. Of course I usually snap out of it and think to myself: a) I don't know if the boy I have is the boy I'll want for the rest of my life, and b) what about after the dream wedding? What will the marriage actually be like? I'm getting far too ahead of myself, but it makes me wonder what all my friends were thinking when they got married? Did they think they were too young? Were they only thinking about the dream wedding day? It's so baffling on many levels. And on the baby note, I admit I have often come across thinking that I would love to be a mother right now. Have something that I can call mine, that I can put all my effort towards. Again, I do eventually snap out of it and come to my senses- quickly explaining to myself that I simply do not have the means of taking care of a child, nor the patience. I could ramble on about this for hours...but for my sanity and yours, I'll end it there.

Moving right along...

Flat out: this "working for a living" business sucks. I know, "this is just the beginning", but hey, I'm still allowed to complain a little. ;) So, I started working at Tony Roma's in December as a Hostess and at first thought it was great. I felt professional doing what I was doing and my co-workers were super! Little did I know that the environment would become so tense and constently bring on so much stress. Maybe I'm exaggerating? Who knows. As of right now, I'm just not liking the idea that everytime I start my shift I'm always doing something wrong, or not fast enough, or whatever else. Because of this, and next to zero hours at minimum wage, I applied everywhere I could in the city for a second job. Unfourtunately the only place to call back was...Wal-mart. Go figure. I now know why I always avoided applying there before - I'd get hired. Ive been there for two weeks now as a cashier, and so far not too horrible, but the fact that its still Wal-mart brings my self esteem down a few knotches. Have already had some interesting experiences...I'll save those for later as a treat.

I guess I'm just hoping to stick it out and save my pennies for the fall. I want to find my own places so very badly. Sadly, I have no idea who I could snag to be my roomate- I can't exactly afford a place on my own. Sigh.

So many thoughts...can't even keep them straight. I didn't get everything off my chest that I wanted, but I can save that for another blog on a different day perhaps when my emotions and my brain start thinking on the same page. Ugh...emotions.